The Sufficiency of Grace

Intrusion

2012-01-03T17:41:00.001-08:00

I am noticing a trend in my life and writing. I tend to talk a lot about fear, heaven and waiting. Today it’s fear. I wish I could say that I had the whole fear thing figure out, but I don’t. Life just keeps happening, and new fears emerge.

A few days before Christmas, someone tried to break into our home. By God’s providence, our neighbor was getting out of his car (at 11:30 at night, I might add) and saw the intruder. My neighbor scared him off, and the guy ran away.

I was left unnerved. It seemed as if this intruder was trying to get to me. I could be paranoid, but our car was in the driveway and lights were on in our house even though I was sound asleep in bed. We live in a duplex, and our neighbors’ car was also in the driveway and all their lights were on because they were still up and about. Seems like an unlikely place to rob if robbing was your intention. Especially, living on a college campus where many of the surrounding homes were empty due to students being gone for Christmas break. If I were a robber, wouldn’t I choose a home where no one was home?

All that to say, I’ve been afraid -- really afraid. My friend, Corrie, reminded me today that “perfect love casts out fear.” What a great reminder of God’s truth! I wrestle with how to practically live that out: what does that look like on a daily basis? Perhaps, if I’m spending my time thinking about how to love God and others, I won’t be so afraid. I won’t be consumed with the “what if’s.”

That doesn’t mean that I don’t put more security measures in my home, but in the midst of that, I am praying that I grow a lot in loving this year because living in fear is not really living.

Perfect days

2011-12-10T18:05:00.001-08:00

As I sit in Starbucks, it’s a seemingly perfect morning. It’s my day off. I’m drinking my pumpkin spiced latte (oh, sad day when the holiday drinks will no longer be served and I’ll have to wait an entire year for a sip of my favorite drink). Did I mention that snowflakes are falling outside, and Starbucks is playing music from the Nutcracker? I also just received notification from the library that the book I have been waiting for is in. I was number 64 on the waiting list.

Pinch me! What a delightful and wonderful morning!

As great as this morning is, it is a dim picture of what’s to come. This Advent season I am not only trying to remember that Jesus came to earth as a baby, but that He is coming again. Pumpkin spice lattes’, days off, and snowflakes are a pale comparison to what’s coming.

I am also reminded that those seemingly perfect mornings are rare. Life as we know it is plain hard sometimes. This time of year, I am always reminded of Christmas morning 2004. “Your husband has a brain tumor,” the emergency room doctor said. “He has a what!” I was utterly shocked! I will never forget making the phone call to Erik’s family Christmas morning. His sister answered the phone and the joyous “Merry Christmas” greeting quickly turned to disbelief and horror as I told the rest of his family that was gathered together.

We all long for the days of perfection where all is well. Those days seem to be so few and far between. So I wait -- wait for His return. Because when He comes, oh how perfect that will be! Perfect days will abound and be limitless. We get Jesus, and we will be filled to all the fullness of God every second of everyday. Complete joy, satisfaction, rest, peace. Filled completely!

That’s what I am trying to remember this Advent season. He is coming again! He IS coming again! What hope we have for our future and what courage that gives me for today!

Kisses from Katie

2011-09-21T06:31:00.000-07:00

I am continually challenged by this girl's life. I have been following her blog for a while now and wanted to share this with you. She has a book coming out soon. Take a look and tell me what you think! (scroll down to the blogplaylist at the bottom of my blog and click on the stop button to turn off music, so you can hear the video)

Tent Fun!

2011-09-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

I have been cleaning out the garage, so I can actually park my car in it and stumbled upon a tent. Erik and I received it as a wedding gift. We never used it, but there are two Steffen boys who have had a lot of backyard fun with it! Perhaps, one day I will be brave enough to take them on a real camp out!

Good Intentions...

2011-09-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since i wrote last. I must have written a million posts in my mind, but in my mind they have remained. Here are a few pictures to sum up the last month. Jensen turned six, we went to Colorado for a conference, and since we've been home, the boys have been playing non-stop with their new neighbor friend, Luke.

The Word of LIfe

2011-07-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

What are three words that best describe your life? What is one thing you want to do before you die? Who is Jesus Christ? What happens after death?

These are all questions my seven year old asked a man on the boardwalk in Virginia Beach. He was with our good friend, Scott, and they began to share the gospel with this man. Scott, who is very tech savvy, happened to have a gospel presentation on his iPad. Alex held the iPad up high above his head so the gentleman could see it, and Scott shared with this man how he could know Jesus. This man came to Christ that night.

I am challenged by my seven year old who shows no partiality and has a child like faith when it comes to telling others about Jesus. I often shrink back in fear that others will think I’m the weird Bible beater. Oh, how I learn from my children.

As Alex was literally holding up the gospel via an iPad, I am reminded of Philippians 2 where Paul exhorts the church to hold fast the word of life, which is the gospel. Oh, may we hold fast the gospel and may we not be ashamed, for it is life for all who believe!

Virginia

2011-06-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

The boys and I have settled into our home away from home. We are in Virginia for most of the summer carrying out my summer assignment with Campus Crusade for Christ. There are over 70 college students who have been accepted for a summer project that I, along with others, will help staff. The focus of the summer for staff and students is “Encounter Christ, Experience Transformation and Engage in the Mission.”

We are all living in a motel that is about 4 blocks from the beach. It’s definitely motel living, complete with smoky rooms and all. The definite bonus is the motel pool which the boys have enjoyed swimming in nearly everyday since we’ve been here.

As they have been swimming in the pool, the boys have gotten to know some other children who have also regularly been frequenting the pool. We learned that these kids live at the hotel. It’s humbling, as I have grumbled more than once about our home away from home this summer. This is where they have lived for the past 6 months.

They came up to our room to play, as it was a rainy day in Virginia. I was humbled once more as they walked in and said, “Wow you guys have a lot of toys,” referring to the one small container of toys I brought from home for the boys to play with for the summer.

I’m thankful that the Lord takes me out of my bubble and helps me see a bit more of reality. Oh, may I cultivate a thankful heart and not one that is so quick to complain, and may I love extravagantly those the Lord puts into my path. I am praying that as I encounter Christ, experience transformation and engage in the mission that others I come in contact with will also.

There are the lessons I’m learning in Virginia.

anniversary

2011-05-11T04:02:00.001-07:00

Remembering this day 9 years ago and thankful for the 4 years of marriage with Erik Steffen!

Justice

2011-05-02T18:02:00.000-07:00

Today there are many celebrating and many who are saying that justice has been done. Bin Laden is dead! I would imagine for the one who lost a loved one on Sept. 11th, today would be especially poignant. I watched the images of people at ground zero and the White House cheering and celebrating! Chanting USA!

I was thinking about the celebration we will have when ultimate justice will take place. That day when Satan will be cast into the fiery pit forever. Won’t that be amazing! It IS going to happen and what a celebration there will be! Justice will be served! It will be especially poignant for the one who has suffered unjustly. There will be no USA chants, instead a resounding JESUS, JESUS!

Until that day, keep persevering! Justice is coming!

DAWGS!

2011-04-04T06:28:00.000-07:00

So excited for the Butler Bulldogs and the championship game this evening! The boys and i have enjoyed participating in all the fun on campus.

Watching the final four game at Hinkle fieldhouse. My little entertainer!

Last Day

2011-03-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of wearing the dress. I can’t wait to hang it up in my closet tonight never to bring it back out again. A friend asked me today if I was going to burn it. There will be no dress burning as tempting as that might sound. I’m sure one day it will make it’s way out of the closet.

It has certainly been something I won’t forget. Thank you Amy for allowing me to be apart of this amazing experience with you. I am no longer unaware and uninformed. I have much to still learn, but you have helped me to have better understanding. You are having an impact in helping others become aware, but also encouraging others to do something about it! Thank you!

I’ve been thinking about Amy. How in the world has she done this for four months and still has two to go? I can definitely appreciate more of what she is experiencing even though I only did it for a month. It’s like my friends who have husbands that travel. They often say, “I have a whole new appreciation for single moms”. They’ve gotten a glimpse. I’ve gotten a glimpse of Amy’s world.

It’s when we walk in another person's shoes for a while that we know a little bit about what it must be like to be them. I think of Jesus. He became flesh. The God of the universe experienced humanity and he didn’t just get a glimpse. He experienced it fully! He knows what it’s like to hunger, because he experienced it. He knows what it’s like to be weary. He knows what it’s like to have others reject him; one of his own betrayed Him. He knows loneliness, grief, mourning, pain. He knows! He’s not a distant bystander. He KNOWS and He wants us to turn to Him.

Certainly many who are reading this, haven’t been personally affected by human trafficking. We haven’t walked in their shoes. But, we can be apart of the healing process. Ultimately, I believe God is the one who can bring hope and healing to these girls who are in slavery, but we can be apart of what He’s doing.

If you haven’t had a chance to check out the website: The Daughter Project, please do. Would you consider giving to the Daughters and being apart helping girls who are sold into slavery?

Psalm 34:18

2011-03-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

Alex has another broken bone. This time it’s his ankle. I won’t go into the details of how it happened since little brother was involved in the incident. His broken ankle has kind of been a word picture for the state of his heart these past few days. Broken, sad and missing his dad.
.
Some days grief just hits you like a giant wave that catches you by surprise and knocks you right off your feet. Even though it’s been almost five years since Erik’s death, there are days were we are still sad. Alex has had a few of those days lately. As a mom, I want to fix it and make it better. I know I can’t. I just held him while he wept and prayed that the Lord would comfort him.

The next morning, the boys were coloring while listening to the Seeds family worship CD (which is excellent by the way). It’s Scripture set to music and just a lot of fun to sing. One song came on, Psalm 34:18 and I noticed Alex singing the words. The chorus of the song is: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

He asked me to play it over and over and over again. God was encouraging, strengthening, and ministering to him through this song and through His word. Sometimes it’s just good for me to step aside and let the Lord do what only He can do!

I think about the women and girls who have been trapped in the modern day slavery of the sex trade. Broken. Crushed. I believe the Lord can bring hope and healing. I believe He can use ordinary people like you and me to be a vehicle of hope.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Debbie and Miya's story

2011-03-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

Why am i wearing this dress everyday? For these women! Check out this article. Be forewarned; it's a bit graphic. Debbie and Miya's story

rockin' the straight hair

Watching the Butler Bulldogs play some ball! Yes, i have on the dress!

Aruna 5k

2011-02-26T12:43:00.000-08:00

Check out this video that some of my peers put together. They are hosting a 5k walk/run in Cincinnati to raise money to stop human trafficking in India. (scroll down to the bottom of the blog and mute the playlist, so you can hear the video)

More Daughter Project details

2011-02-22T17:23:00.000-08:00

I thought I would fill you in on some more details of The Daughter project in case you haven't had a chance to look at the website. The Daughter Project is a non-profit organization in Northwest Ohio that exists to help girls recover from the trauma of sex trafficking and to help prevent others from being trafficked.

They are seeking to build a home that will help house girls who have been rescued. This is what their website says about the services the girls will receive: abuse & addiction counseling, family/friend restoration, health & nutrition education, medical/dental/vision care, legal counsel and spiritual mentorship. This help will be provided by caring & competent professionals and volunteers. More specifically, we have recruited doctors, counselors and other professionals to provide medical services to the girls. We are also developing plans for art, drama, equine and music therapy. In addition to medical services, we have begun to contact various local community organizations to provide healthy, educational opportunities for our girls. Some of these include the YMCA, the Zoo, the Symphony and others.

They are seeking to raise $80,000 for a home that will house girls who have been rescued from sex trafficking. They have raised $40,0000 so far. The plan is to begin building in May with the completion of the home in June, which will allow them to house their first girl in July. Would you consider giving to the Daughter Project?

I got to see Amy over the weekend. She's the one who is wearing the gray dress for 6 month. SO glad that she roped me into doing this!

Hanging out at my mom's

One black dress

2011-02-17T19:58:00.000-08:00

Today was day number one of wearing my black dress. I am excited about all the opportunities just in the first day that I have had to talk about The Daughter Project

I won't be buying anything new to wear with the dress. I am just wearing what i have and what i can borrow from the college students that live down the street. College ministry does have it's benefits! I did buy a few tights and leggings, so i don't freeze. Some have asked if i am going to exercise in the dress. The answer is no. That will be the exception along with sleeping. And yes, i will wash it. You should have seen the amount of mud my two boys caked on the dress today after we walked the dog.

Check out these sobering facts about human trafficking: fifty five facts

The Daughter Project

2011-02-16T17:59:00.000-08:00

I am about to embark on something a little crazy, crazy for me at least. My dear friend, Amy, has been wearing the same gray dress everyday since November. Everyday!

Why, you ask? To raise money and awareness for The Daughter project. It is a non-profit organization in Northwest Ohio that exists to help girls recover from the trauma of sex trafficking and helps to prevent others from being trafficked.

Why Northwest Ohio? Amy says this, "“I had no idea there was sex slavery in my own backyard,"I think I was overwhelmed to realize that in 2006 in a rescue bust in Philadelphia there were 150 rescued. Over 50% that were rescued were from Toledo."

Amy was interviewed by her local tv station, which lead to recognition on CNN. Click here to see the interview

Amy has asked friends to each take a month with her in the one dress campaign. So, here I go......I am wearing the same dress everyday for a month. I am starting tomorrow February 17th and ending on my birthday, March 17th.

I'm certain that i won't be as creative in making the dress look different everyday as Amy does. It would take you awhile to realize she was wearing the same dress over and over because she comes up with lots of creative ways to wear it.

Despite my lack of creativity, I hope to be apart of helping raise awareness and money for the Daughters. If you are interested in giving, visit: The Daughter Project

lesson from a five year old

2011-01-30T17:48:00.000-08:00

The boys and I moved just before Christmas and have been settling into our new house. Many of the boxes have been unpacked, although there’s a room in the basement full of all the remaining boxes that I haven’t had time to get to yet. But pictures are being hung, and it’s starting to look like a home.

One morning recently, I was spending time with the Lord, and Jensen woke up early. He crawled onto my lap and asked what I was reading in the Bible. I started sharing with him some things I was learning and he looked at me and said, “Mom this isn’t our home.” I sat there for a second thinking we might have yet another discussion about why we moved, then replied, “What do you mean, buddy?” He said, “This is our earthly home; heaven is our real home!” Oh, how right you are Jensen!

Jensen was feeling sad, missing our old house, missing his dad and yet, thinking about our future home in heaven gave him hope. What a good lesson from a five year old!

Colossians 3:2 “Set you mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth.”

Making memories in our new home. Yes, they have on helmets! :)

Everything I need

2010-12-10T18:58:00.001-08:00

The other day I was driving in my car, listening to the radio and just feeling the weight of life. I was praying and talking to the Lord about my life and my need for him in the midst of chaos. A song came on that brought me to tears. It's by Kutlass entitled, "Everything I need". It was just what i needed to hear. Just what i needed to sing to Him! God is everything I need. He is my strength, my refuge, my everything. He is sufficient!

Here are the lyrics:
When every step is so hard to take
And all of my hope is fading away
When life is a mountain that I can not climb
You carry me, Jesus carry me.

You are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in my time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

When every moment is more than I can take
And all of my strength is slipping away
When every breath gets harder to breathe
You carry me, Jesus carry me

You are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in my time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

I need You
You are everything I need
I love everything about You

You are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in my time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

gobble gobble

2010-11-25T18:14:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! I have much to be thankful for this thanksgiving! In fact, a friend of mine and i were talking about thankfulness today. She has experienced the life change of cancer and commented that she used to complain more before cancer. Now, after having walked through cancer, she chooses to be thankful instead of complain. She's a survivor and has a whole different perspective on life and circumstances. May we choose thankfulness on this and the days ahead!

Here's a picture of me and my little pilgrim at his 1st grade thanksgiving play!

Beauty for ashes

2010-10-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

I know it’s been awhile, but much has happened since I last wrote. We officially purchased a home, and it’s exactly what I’ve been praying for. I had been praying and waiting on God to provide a home as close to Butler as possible in order to be more accessible to the students with whom I seek to minister.

He provided! In fact, I was painting the garage last weekend and heard the Butler football team score a touchdown as our house is a block from the stadium. I am incredibly thankful for the Lord’s provision!

We haven’t moved in yet because I’m having some renovating and painting done, but I am hoping to be in the house by Thanksgiving.

I also am having some landscaping done and consulted with a friend from church who owns his own landscaping business. I don’t exactly have a green thumb, so I left the design up to him. Not too long ago, he showed me the plans for the front yard, which will be absolutely beautiful. More importantly, they included some dogwood trees and hydrangeas, both of which have great significance in my life.  Erik and I were married at the home where he grew up in North Carolina. We had an outdoor wedding and the dogwoods trees bloomed the very morning of our wedding. They were stunning and a picture of beauty for ashes on a bittersweet day: sweet because I was marrying Erik and bitter because my sister had died a month and a half prior to our wedding. I was so devastated and in the midst of great sorrow. God provided a wonderful reminder for me that day, that I would one day rise from the ashes of grief and that He would one day be back to make all things right.

I also love Hydrangeas. Aren’t they lovely? Erik knew I loved hydrangeas and the night he proposed to me, I was surrounded by bouquets of hydrangeas.

So when my friend, the landscaper showed me the plans for the new house, I almost cried. What a gift from the Lord since moving from our old house was so hard to do. It was such a step of faith for me to leave the home that Erik and I lived in. All the memories! He is giving me a constant reminder that He indeed is the one who gives beauty for ashes!

Apple Pickin'

2010-09-20T18:35:00.003-07:00

I love this time of year! Cooler evenings, apple orchards and yummy warm cider are a few of my favorite things. We took our annual trip to the apple orchard and the refrigerator is loaded with more apples than we can possibly eat. Any good apple recipes out there?

Here are my little men having some apple orchard fun!

First day of school

2010-08-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

The boys are back to school. Jensen is now attending Alex's school and it's great having them at the same place. Jensen came home from the first day of class and said, "I love it mom!"

He made a friend. (THANK YOU LORD!) He had been feeling a bit anxious about going to a new school. Thanks to Ellis, his new friend, for making school a fun place for Jensen!

Doesn't that hold true in all of life? New situations or circumstances just aren't as scary when you've got a friend to do it with you! Thankful for all those who are in this journey with us!

My dream

2010-08-25T04:12:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a dream that was so real it took you awhile to realize that it was just a dream?

I did just the other night. In fact, I had a very vivid dream that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. I don’t typically remember my dreams, but this one was hard to forget. I realize it might seem kind of weird that I’m talking about a dream in my blog. I mean, it is just a dream, and aren’t most dreams kind of wacky?

There was something different about this one, though.

Erik was in this dream. I rarely dream about him, but each time I do it’s a gift because for a few minutes I am with him again. (I know, you think I’m crazy, but for those who have lost someone you love, getting to have a few seconds with your loved one, even in a dream, is a gift.)

We were sitting together talking. The scene was heaven, although all I saw is Erik. In fact, I couldn’t even tell you anything descriptively about heaven because the focus of the dream was the content of our conversation.

Erik was sharing his viewpoint of the trials and struggles that he had on earth from the vantage point of being in heaven. He talked about how all the trials that made life really hard were over for him. While on earth, the struggles seemed like they would never end, but now from his viewpoint he could see that they were temporary. They were over.

It was almost like a pep talk for me. “Kel, keep running the race (as it talks about in 1 Corinthians 9:24 relating the Christian life to that of a race), keep trusting God, keep fixing your eyes on Him because heaven is a reality and one day you are going to be here. I know the trials of life seem endless, but one day you aren’t going to struggle anymore, too.”

What a great reminder for me, for us all.

Sophie

2010-07-21T05:40:00.000-07:00

Sucker. Do you see it written on my forehead? You can’t miss it. It’s there in flashing neon colors. SUCKER! That’s me.

Tears were pouring down Alex’s face as he cried, “Can we keep her mom? PLEASE, we can’t just leave her here!” I completely caved! We are now officially owners of one Beagle mutt named Sophie.

Sophie was a stray that attached herself to Alex while on a bike ride at a local park. She had no tags, and after asking others around the park, we learned that she had been running around the area for days.

I told the boys we could take her home, but that we were going to fervently look for her owner. We posted signs all around and began waiting to see if anyone would claim her.

I waited three weeks with no phone calls from anyone missing a dog. So, I decided it was time to take her to the vet. After spending a bundle of money on the pup for examinations, vaccinations, and medications, the owner called. I couldn’t believe it. I was starting to get attached to this mischievous little creature, and I knew the boys would be crushed!

After a couple of conversations, the owner decided to let us keep her. He had bought her just a month prior to her escape, and it sounded like he wasn’t really up for the task of taking care of her.

So, Sophie is now ours. She’s extremely lovable and lots of fun. She is great with kids, but hates men. Hilarious!

She’s also A LOT of work! She’s a shedder, which drives me absolutely crazy! She also thinks she’s queen of the house, and her goal in life is to claim a spot on the couch. One day I walked in the kitchen to see her on top of the kitchen table!!!

She is learning, though, and the boys have been remarkably responsible in helping out with her. They adore her, and she’s even started to capture my heart, too.

Being a dog owner is an adventure that came a lot sooner than I expected. Doesn't life bring a lot of the unexpected?

Father's Day

2010-06-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

Last Father’s Day, I started a new tradition for the boys that I hope to continue each year. In light of the fact that Alex and Jensen will one day be fathers (Lord willing), I get them a gift for Father’s Day. Some years they will get the traditional fatherly gift i.e. last year they each got their first watch. This year, I decided to get them something a little different.

I was thinking about what a great dad Erik was. He was such a “hands on” dad. Some of you know this, but when Alex was born I think an entire week went by before I actually changed his diaper for the first time. Erik also LOVED playing with the boys. He loved having fun and was so fantastic with children in general.

So this year, I got the boys a gift they could have fun with to remember that their father loved to have fun with them. They were absolutely thrilled when they opened their double barrel water guns. What fun they have had with them! Oh, how Erik would have loved getting to blast them with water guns!

I also spent some time talking to the boys about how their dad loved Jesus more than anything. Although he was fun, it was his love for Jesus that made Him a good dad.

I know Father’s Day is over, but to all the dads out there………Go have fun with you kids because you can and because life is a gift!

Old King Cole

2010-05-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, Alex’s school had their annual spring parade. Each class creatively displayed some portion of their curriculum as they marched in the parade. Alex’s grade learned nursery rhymes this year, and each child dressed up as their chosen rhyme. Alex picked Old King Cole. Not surprising. He does love to be a king. He also loves an audience, so marching in a parade while wearing a king costume was quite a thrill for him.

As you know, the rhyme begins with, “Old King Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.” As Alex was walking in the parade and waving to the crowds, he had such a look of delight on his face. The rhyme he chose was very appropriate. He was merry indeed.

It struck me how much the Lord has worked in his heart. Two years ago he was a very angry, sad little boy. By God’s grace he is flourishing and full of zeal. He certainly has his sad days where he misses his dad. Unfortunately, the pain will always be there. He will always miss his dad, BUT God has brought healing where there is hurt and laughter where there is pain.

Thanking God for his power to bring comfort and care to those who ache, especially my sweet children.

Alex painted this in Kindergarten. It's Georgia O'Keeffe's, Poppy

Saying goodbye

2010-05-14T16:29:00.000-07:00

The boys and I have officially moved out of our house. It was an emotional week leading up to the big move. My boys had a very difficult time seeing everything packed up. There were lots of tears shed, my own included.

It’s the first house Erik and I ever owned. We bought it together when Alex was about 6 months. I remember the first time we painted the house with its tall cathedral ceilings. We had most of it painted when I decided that the color was a little too dark. You should have seen the look on Erik’s face when I asked him to repaint it all a shade lighter. He reluctantly consented.

So many wonderful memories of love, laughter and life keep flooding my mind. That home truly was a provision from the Lord. There have been many, MANY loving hands serving our family over the years since Erik’s death. Whether it was making a meal, cleaning, watching the boys, repairing something that was broken, or countless other ways people have served us. And did I forget to mention the extreme home makeover!

I wonder if Abraham felt like I do when God called him to pick up and leave everything. Scared, anxious, hopeful? I believe the Lord has directed us to move, but we still have not found a home close to campus.

In the meantime, we are staying with my mom. I am thankful to have a place to live while we wait. Now that we are out of the house, everyone is doing really well. The boy’s love being at Grandma’s, and it feels like a relief to have moved. So for now, we continue to wait and trust the Lord.

Zambia and Moffat

2010-04-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

This is Moffat and he is an orphan living in Zambia. A friend of mine named Larry and his family traveled to Zambia last summer with Campus Crusade. They became connected with the orphanage that Moffat lives in and started a partnership with them to help assist their needs. The children of this orphanage are so precious and have captured my heart.

Here is a bit of Moffat's story (written by Larry).

Moffat was born in slums of Lusaka. When he was one week old, a film developed over his right eye and without access to proper medical care, the eye became blind. When he was 8 years old, his father left the family and abandoned him. His mother is ill. I have never met her, and I’m not sure what her illness is, but everyone has described her to me as “sickly”. Moffat’s mother was unable to care for him and he was brought to the orphanage last year. In recent months, it has become evident that Moffat is rapidly losing vision in his left eye. He can barely see, and it is to the point where he cannot read.

In this society, if Moffat goes completely blind, he will have no future. He will have no hope of employment, and will not be able to do anything by himself. The dirt roads in his neighborhood are uneven and full of holes. He won’t be able to walk anywhere and won’t have a seeing eye dog. His education will be over. This may not be avoidable, and this may be God’s plan for Moffat, however, if there is any chance that we can help him, I want to try. We are hoping to bring Moffat to the U.S. for possible eye surgery.

One of the hurdles with this is getting a clear diagnosis to even understand if surgery can possibly correct his problem. Another hurdle is getting the Zambian government’s permission to bring Moffat here. This week has been full for Elina (the director of the orphanage) as she has tried to move the process along. She has taken Moffat to several doctor appointments and tried to get doctors to sign letters giving their approval. Approval must also be received from the Commissioner of Health, the Commissioner of Oaths, and the Commissioner of Foreign Affairs (and probably others). Each of these have been met with various roadblocks and fees (bribes).
If all of this could be worked out, we would like to consider having Moffat return with us at the end of this summer.

Please pray for Moffat!

Egg stand

2010-04-10T17:59:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, the boys and I were painting Easter eggs and Alex came up with a unique idea. He enthusiastically said, “Mom I’m going to have an egg stand and sell all these eggs!”. My immediate response, which I kept to myself was, “No one is going to buy those eggs”. I mean, to me they were beautiful because Alex and Jensen painted them, but the average person probably wouldn’t think they were all that special (let alone pay money for them). I’m glad I kept my thoughts to myself.

There was something inside of me that said, DO NOT squelch his ideas. Encourage him and let him do this. So, we made a sign saying, Easter eggs .25 cents. (Alex wanted to sell each egg for $10, but I convinced him to drop the price significantly.)

As soon as we were all set up, someone immediately drove by and stopped. I couldn’t believe it. We had been outside for a mere 30 seconds. He took two eggs and gave the boys a dollar. You should have seen the look on Alex and Jensen’s faces. Absolute delight!

One woman who drove by bought two of the eggs that were cracked and broken. Unbelievable! It made her day to buy two cracked eggs made by a six and four year old. I foresee many an egg stand in our future.

When all was said and done, they sold every single egg and made $6.50. What a precious memory to make! What a reminder to me that God loves us even if we feel like there’s nothing special about us. It is the ordinary, the messy, and the broken to whom He pours out His love!

Homeless?

2010-04-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

It looks like the Steffens could possibly be moving by the end of April. I received a really good offer on our house last week. I know it’s not official until closing, but if everything goes as planned, we could be moving soon. That said, we might be homeless for a little while. We still haven’t found a house for us to move into. I have looked at what seems like a million homes, but for one reason or another they haven’t been the right fit for us. Will you pray that the Lord will give wisdom regarding a house for us close to Butler and that He will make it clear?

Speaking of Butler, how about those Dawgs!

Broken

2010-03-15T15:20:00.001-07:00

The boys and I just returned from Panama City, Florida. It was Butler’s spring break, and we took a group of CRU students to a conference in Florida. We had a great week with the students!

All three Steffens love the beach for different reasons. I love walking on the beach, watching sunsets, listening to the sound of waves crashing. Jensen loves digging in the sand. Alex loves being under the water any chance he gets. He also loves looking for seashells.

Throughout the week, Alex would grab his bucket and walk up and down the beach looking for treasures. Mind you, Panama City isn’t known for its seashells. That didn’t bother him. He filled his bucket with anything that looked remotely like a seashell. It didn’t even matter if it was broken. I tried to encourage him to look for shells that weren’t broken, but he didn’t listen. I asked him why he liked the broken pieces and his response was, “Mom, they are beautiful, and I like them.”

I’m glad that God doesn’t respond to our brokenness like I did to Alex’s shells. In Romans 5:8, Paul says, “Even while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” God sees the broken pieces in all of us and says I love you and I will make you whole! I’m thankful that He doesn’t just toss me aside like the broken seashells that I wanted to throw away. He makes something beautiful out my mess!

A God Who Speaks

2010-02-18T20:34:00.001-08:00

It’s been an interesting experience for me to have my house on the market. It’s been stressful, and I’ve found myself wondering if I’m doing the right thing. Is this what you really want Lord? Maybe we should just stay here and not move. Ugh! Indecision! I hate it!

In the midst of indecision, I’m thankful that the Lord is a God who speaks. The other day I felt a bit discouraged and lacking direction. The kids were out of control, and I was tired. I just needed to hear from the Lord. I opened God’s Word and prayed that He would speak and that I would hear from Him. I turned to Proverbs since it’s the book of wisdom and I needed a bit of that.

Chapter 15 Verse 26 says that God tears down the house of the proud, but establishes the boundary of the widow. God spoke. I heard. I’m thankful that God knows exactly where he wants us to live and He will establish our boundaries. Do I know what I am supposed to do? NO! Does God? Yes! Will He lead? Definitely! What is God speaking to you?

The Wait

2010-01-31T17:05:00.000-08:00

It’s official. I put my house up for sale.

It’s a decision that has been two years in the making. I work with a college ministry at Butler University called Campus Crusade for Christ or (CRU). The boys and I currently live about 25 to 30 minutes away from campus, which makes it tricky for students to come over. When we move, I envision students coming over for meals, having bible studies and just hanging out while I fold laundry. Life on life ministry, as I call it.

This weekend I had a taste of this kind of ministry when I had the opportunity to speak with some sorority gals about identity and faith. I feel alive and energized. It’s what I love. To me, the move just makes sense.

For now, though, I am waiting on God.

It’s been two weeks, and not a single bite on the house. Doubts creep into my head. Is this what you really want, Lord? So much fear can overtake me while in the waiting. I remember waiting to hear about test results for Erik. Sometimes the waiting was excruciating. Is the cancer back? Will the tests be clear? Will there be tumor growth?

Waiting can be so hard. I hate waiting. I want it now! Can you relate? Jensen (who happens to be the topic of my musing these days) and I had another tear jerker conversation the other day. He said he was sad and missed his daddy. He then told me he missed that he didn’t ever get to play with his daddy. (Big gulp) We talked about heaven and how fun it’s going to be to get to play with daddy for all of eternity. Forever playing with daddy! Can’t wait! Ah, but we have to wait. Stink!

I just don’t want fear, worry and despondency to consume me in the wait. I don’t want to miss out on what God has for me in the wait. There is pain in the wait, but there is life, too. There is intimacy with God in the wait. He is IN the wait!

I don’t know what is in store for the Steffens, but for now I wait.

Rock Band

2010-01-21T09:20:00.001-08:00

CRU (aka Campus Crusade) hosted an event at Butler called Friday Night Live. We had a local live band along with a cornhole and euchre tournament. We also had tons of electronical fun with the Wii, Rockband, Dance Revolution and of course, lots of yummy food. I brought the boys and we all had a great time. Here's a picture of Jensen playing Rockband with a little help from Ben, the Butler student. (the picture of Alex didn't turn out so well)

If God is Good

2010-01-14T20:21:00.000-08:00

My heart is heavy for Haiti. Haiti has held a special place in my heart because Erik was born there, and it is where he spent the first four years of his life. I have pictures of Erik with his pet goat, Fredrico. Haiti is where his parents began their marriage and started a family together. His parents have shared many beautiful stories of their lives in Haiti. Over the years, they have also shared their sadness and heartache regarding the state of the country, the poverty and political unrest

Seeing the images on the television is heart wrenching, devastating and unfathomable. SO many suffering! I would think many might be asking the question why. Why God? I don't have answers to that question. I wish i did. It's the question we are all faced with at one point or another in our lives. When the bottom fall out, where is God? Randy Alcorn (a favorite author of mine) has a new book called, If God is Good. In this book he addresses the questions we all struggle with. Why? Why did this happen? How long will this go on? Is God good?

Here's a brief video clip from Randy who discusses the book. Check it out and read the book.

Enough

2010-01-07T06:33:00.000-08:00

I've been toying around with the idea of a new blog for a while now. Maybe the New Year gave me the motivation I needed. New Year. New Blog. Why "The Sufficiency of Grace" you ask?
2 Corinthians 12:9 (My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness) has been my mantra since Erik's death, and the title for the blog just seemed appropriate. In those few words God says, I will give you what you need. I am your help if you humble yourselves before me! I am what you need! Sufficient. Enough.

We all have unfulfilled desires, disappointments, hope deferred. Even my four year old can attest to that. Last week, the boys and I stayed downtown at the Marriott because we were at the annual Campus Crusade for Christ Christmas Conference. One morning Jensen woke up and crawled into bed with me. He started singing a song that he heard the worship band sing the night before, called "Your Grace is enough". In his sweet little four year old voice he sang, "Remember your children, Remember your people oh God. You're grace is enough for me". It was a beautiful moment. It seemed as if he was really singing it to God. Remember me God. Don't forget about me! Here I am! I need you!

I told him that God promises to help us and to give us what we need. He will be what we need. He looked at me in the eye and said in a soft tender voice, "I need daddy" The big lump in my throat was my response.

We all have needs. We all have longings. But I hope as you visit this blog, you will see that God's grace is sufficient. I pray that for you, for my children, for myself. He is the only one who can satisfy the longings in our hearts. And when life doesn't turn out the way we want it too, may we know that He indeed will be our help. His grace is sufficient!