Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Wait

It’s official. I put my house up for sale.

It’s a decision that has been two years in the making. I work with a college ministry at Butler University called Campus Crusade for Christ or (CRU). The boys and I currently live about 25 to 30 minutes away from campus, which makes it tricky for students to come over. When we move, I envision students coming over for meals, having bible studies and just hanging out while I fold laundry. Life on life ministry, as I call it.

This weekend I had a taste of this kind of ministry when I had the opportunity to speak with some sorority gals about identity and faith. I feel alive and energized. It’s what I love. To me, the move just makes sense.

For now, though, I am waiting on God.

It’s been two weeks, and not a single bite on the house. Doubts creep into my head. Is this what you really want, Lord? So much fear can overtake me while in the waiting. I remember waiting to hear about test results for Erik. Sometimes the waiting was excruciating. Is the cancer back? Will the tests be clear? Will there be tumor growth?

Waiting can be so hard. I hate waiting. I want it now! Can you relate? Jensen (who happens to be the topic of my musing these days) and I had another tear jerker conversation the other day. He said he was sad and missed his daddy. He then told me he missed that he didn’t ever get to play with his daddy. (Big gulp) We talked about heaven and how fun it’s going to be to get to play with daddy for all of eternity. Forever playing with daddy! Can’t wait! Ah, but we have to wait. Stink!

I just don’t want fear, worry and despondency to consume me in the wait. I don’t want to miss out on what God has for me in the wait. There is pain in the wait, but there is life, too. There is intimacy with God in the wait. He is IN the wait!

I don’t know what is in store for the Steffens, but for now I wait.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Rock Band

CRU (aka Campus Crusade) hosted an event at Butler called Friday Night Live. We had a local live band along with a cornhole and euchre tournament. We also had tons of electronical fun with the Wii, Rockband, Dance Revolution and of course, lots of yummy food. I brought the boys and we all had a great time. Here's a picture of Jensen playing Rockband with a little help from Ben, the Butler student. (the picture of Alex didn't turn out so well)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

If God is Good

My heart is heavy for Haiti. Haiti has held a special place in my heart because Erik was born there, and it is where he spent the first four years of his life. I have pictures of Erik with his pet goat, Fredrico. Haiti is where his parents began their marriage and started a family together. His parents have shared many beautiful stories of their lives in Haiti. Over the years, they have also shared their sadness and heartache regarding the state of the country, the poverty and political unrest

Seeing the images on the television is heart wrenching, devastating and unfathomable. SO many suffering! I would think many might be asking the question why. Why God? I don't have answers to that question. I wish i did. It's the question we are all faced with at one point or another in our lives. When the bottom fall out, where is God? Randy Alcorn (a favorite author of mine) has a new book called, If God is Good. In this book he addresses the questions we all struggle with. Why? Why did this happen? How long will this go on? Is God good?

Here's a brief video clip from Randy who discusses the book. Check it out and read the book.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


I've been toying around with the idea of a new blog for a while now. Maybe the New Year gave me the motivation I needed. New Year. New Blog. Why "The Sufficiency of Grace" you ask?
2 Corinthians 12:9 (My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness) has been my mantra since Erik's death, and the title for the blog just seemed appropriate. In those few words God says, I will give you what you need. I am your help if you humble yourselves before me! I am what you need! Sufficient. Enough.

We all have unfulfilled desires, disappointments, hope deferred. Even my four year old can attest to that. Last week, the boys and I stayed downtown at the Marriott because we were at the annual Campus Crusade for Christ Christmas Conference. One morning Jensen woke up and crawled into bed with me. He started singing a song that he heard the worship band sing the night before, called "Your Grace is enough". In his sweet little four year old voice he sang, "Remember your children, Remember your people oh God. You're grace is enough for me". It was a beautiful moment. It seemed as if he was really singing it to God. Remember me God. Don't forget about me! Here I am! I need you!

I told him that God promises to help us and to give us what we need. He will be what we need. He looked at me in the eye and said in a soft tender voice, "I need daddy" The big lump in my throat was my response.

We all have needs. We all have longings. But I hope as you visit this blog, you will see that God's grace is sufficient. I pray that for you, for my children, for myself. He is the only one who can satisfy the longings in our hearts. And when life doesn't turn out the way we want it too, may we know that He indeed will be our help. His grace is sufficient!