Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Wait

It’s official. I put my house up for sale.

It’s a decision that has been two years in the making. I work with a college ministry at Butler University called Campus Crusade for Christ or (CRU). The boys and I currently live about 25 to 30 minutes away from campus, which makes it tricky for students to come over. When we move, I envision students coming over for meals, having bible studies and just hanging out while I fold laundry. Life on life ministry, as I call it.

This weekend I had a taste of this kind of ministry when I had the opportunity to speak with some sorority gals about identity and faith. I feel alive and energized. It’s what I love. To me, the move just makes sense.

For now, though, I am waiting on God.

It’s been two weeks, and not a single bite on the house. Doubts creep into my head. Is this what you really want, Lord? So much fear can overtake me while in the waiting. I remember waiting to hear about test results for Erik. Sometimes the waiting was excruciating. Is the cancer back? Will the tests be clear? Will there be tumor growth?

Waiting can be so hard. I hate waiting. I want it now! Can you relate? Jensen (who happens to be the topic of my musing these days) and I had another tear jerker conversation the other day. He said he was sad and missed his daddy. He then told me he missed that he didn’t ever get to play with his daddy. (Big gulp) We talked about heaven and how fun it’s going to be to get to play with daddy for all of eternity. Forever playing with daddy! Can’t wait! Ah, but we have to wait. Stink!

I just don’t want fear, worry and despondency to consume me in the wait. I don’t want to miss out on what God has for me in the wait. There is pain in the wait, but there is life, too. There is intimacy with God in the wait. He is IN the wait!

I don’t know what is in store for the Steffens, but for now I wait.


  1. Thanks, Kelly! I think about the song we sang at church yesterday "I'm putting my hands in Yours, believing there's so much more. Knowing that all You have in store for me is good." I want to embrace the life (and the pain) in the waiting, too!